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Passing the Baton

Career Advice

September 19, 2013

By Joey Bland

Passing the Baton

Dear Mr. Don Hart,

As you are supremely gifted with a unique talent, I would like to ask that you please allow me, Joey Bland, to act as something of a career counselor. I know that you have multiple vocations and hobbies to occupy your time, but a skill like yours cannot go to waste. Below are some ideas for other career opportunities available to a man who can throw a baton 100 feet into the atmosphere and catch it on reentry.

  1. Pizza Maker – This is obvious. Everyone knows that the higher you can throw pizza dough, the better it will taste. This is why everybody is such a big fan of Denver-style pizza. The city is already a mile high. That’s not fair, Denver. You, sir, could be the greatest pizza-maker in history, already having started a new pie before your first one landed. Not only would your pizza taste amazing, but you could charge admission to people who wanted to see it made. No one goes down to their local pizzeria to see their dinner being prepared. They just call for delivery. You’d never have to go about delivering your pies, because everyone would come to you. If someone really needed their pizza delivered, you’d probably have the strength to land their cooked pie wherever they needed it. It’s a simple matter of measuring parabolas. You can do that, right? Measure parabolas? Great. Now let’s say it’s that one-in-a-million moment when Don Hart doesn’t catch his launched projectile. No worries. You can also do that freaky trick where the baton magically kicks back up into your hand from the ground. Well, I’m sure a pizza would do the same. No one would care that their pizza is now topped with cheese, pepperoni, and dust bunnies. They’d mindlessly applaud your skills at retrieval. That’s just one option for your skill set, though.
  2. ???

Anyway, I’d advise you to give the above list a look. With your talents, the future is wide open. No matter how rough the job market gets, you, sir, will always have options.

P.S. What’s your hidden talent?

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