I am making quite an impression. You see, after trying on all kinds of houndstooth gear in Tuscaloosa, I developed a fondness for the checked pattern. So I’ve essentially emptied my bank account – all three figures of it – in putting together the finest houndstooth ensemble ever seen outside of the state of Alabama.
Everywhere I go, I’m wearing all houndstooth, all the time. Shoes, socks, pants, shirt, jacket and hat – they’re all black and white and toothed all over. I look good. And yet people really do stop and stare. It’s not every day you see somebody looking as fine as I do, I guess. I can only assume the reason people can’t take their eyes off me is that I just look that debonair.
They all stare, and then they whisper to each other. Sometimes they laugh; it’s nice to know I’m making people so happy. They all point because they don’t want their friends to miss out on this spectacle. (Or spectacles. Did I mention I got houndstooth glasses? Not frames. Glasses. The lenses are opaquely covered with that famous Crimson Tide pattern.) Sometimes I leave them speechless. They say, “What the … ?” and then they freeze up, tongue-tied. And sometimes they just get lost in dreamy musings when they spy my inspired wardrobe. At least that’s why I assume their eyes roll back into their heads.
Yeah. I look great. And I haven’t yet begun to accessorize. If you think I’m making an impression now, just wait until I get my umbrella, gloves, cape and hockey mask tailor-made. There are gonna be a whole lot more people stopping me in the street and saying, “What in the world are you wearing?!” It’s like walking the red carpet. What am I wearing? Pride. That’s what. Roll Tide.
P.S.: Describe your perfect outfit.